“Men’s sober living near me” is one of the most searched phrases in recovery housing, and one of the least helpful to search. You get a map full of pins, a handful of ads, some directories of uncertain quality and very little to tell a good house from a bad one.
So we’ve written the answers we give on the phone every week, in the order people tend to ask them. We run two men’s sober living houses in South Florida, so we have a point of view. But most of what follows applies to any house, anywhere, and we’ll tell you when the right answer is somewhere other than here.
1. What is men’s sober living, exactly?
A men’s sober living house is a shared, alcohol- and drug-free home for men in recovery. It sits between treatment and fully independent life. Residents pay rent, follow house rules, get drug tested, go to meetings, and work, study or attend an outpatient program during the day. It is housing with structure, not treatment. If you want the long version, read what is sober living?
2. Does “near me” actually matter?
Sometimes a lot, sometimes not at all. Being near is useful when:
- He’s continuing an outpatient program (IOP or PHP) and needs to get there daily.
- He has a job he wants to keep.
- He has children or family obligations close by.
- He has a sponsor and a home group that are working.
Being near can hurt when home is full of the old people, places and patterns. Plenty of men deliberately choose a house away from their hometown for exactly that reason. That isn’t a magic “geographic cure”; the problems travel with you. But distance from a using circle, combined with structure, can buy the time a man needs to get stable. So before you search “near me,” decide what “near” is supposed to accomplish.
3. Where do I find houses that are actually vetted?
Start with certification rather than search ads. Most states have a recovery residence certification body, and many are affiliated with the National Alliance for Recovery Residences (NARR). In Florida, the state-recognized credentialing body is the Florida Association of Recovery Residences (FARR), operating under section 397.487 of the Florida Statutes. The Florida Department of Children and Families also publishes information on certified recovery residences and administrators.
Other good sources of referrals: his treatment team, his case manager, his sponsor, and men in local meetings who have lived in houses and will tell you the truth about them.
4. Is certification required?
In Florida, certification is voluntary for many houses, so you’ll find uncertified ones. But it carries weight. Licensed treatment providers in Florida are generally restricted in which recovery residences they can refer patients to, and certification is the main way a house qualifies. It also means someone outside the house has inspected it against published standards. We think it’s worth insisting on. Our guide to FARR certification explains what it covers.
5. What should I ask on the first call?
- Is the house certified, and by whom?
- Is it men-only?
- What are the rules: curfew, testing, meetings, chores, work?
- How is drug testing done, and how often?
- What happens after a relapse?
- Who is responsible for the house day to day, and overnight?
- What does the rent include, and what costs extra?
- What’s the typical length of stay?
- Can I tour the house and talk to a resident?
- Do you think this is the right level of care for him?
The last question is the most revealing. A good house will tell you honestly if someone needs detox or treatment first. If you need clinical care, search FindTreatment.gov. We go through the first call in detail in what to expect on a sober living intake call.
6. What are the red flags?
- Free rent or “we’ll cover everything.” Somebody is paying, and it may be through billing your insurance for services you don’t need.
- Pressure to enroll in a specific outpatient program as a condition of housing.
- Gifts, cash or travel offered to get someone into a house or program. In Florida, patient brokering is a crime under section 817.505 of the statutes.
- No written rules, or rules nobody seems to follow.
- No testing, or testing that only ever happens on a schedule.
- Refusal to let you tour, or a tour that skips the bedrooms.
- Promises of outcomes. No house can guarantee sobriety.
How do you check a house’s claims without being an expert? Three simple habits go a long way. First, verify certification yourself on the certifying body’s website rather than relying on a logo on the house’s site. Second, ask for the house rules and the resident agreement in writing before move-in, and read them; a well-run house will be happy to send them. Third, talk to someone who isn’t selling you anything: a former resident, a man from a local meeting, a clinician who refers there. Ten minutes of honest conversation with someone who has lived in a house will tell you more than any website, including ours. If a house discourages any of this, that tells you something too.
7. How much does men’s sober living cost?
It varies widely by city, room type and what’s included, so treat any national average you read online with caution. Sober living is usually private pay; insurance covers clinical treatment, not housing. When comparing, ask for the rate by room type, what it includes (utilities, linens, laundry, internet, food, transportation), deposits and move-in fees, and how testing is billed. Our posts on the cost of sober living in Miami and whether insurance covers sober living go deeper. Some houses, including ours, offer scholarships for qualified men when cost is the only barrier; see sober living scholarships in Florida.
8. Why men-only?
Men-only houses remove a set of distractions and let men talk more honestly about things they often find hard to say. Many men find the brotherhood of a men’s house is the thing that keeps them going. Men who arrive guarded, convinced they’ll keep to themselves, are often the ones cooking dinner for the new guy a month later. We wrote about it in why men-only sober living works differently.
9. How long do men stay?
Most of our residents stay between three and twelve months. There’s no forced exit date; a man leaves when he and his support system agree he’s ready. Research on recovery housing has generally found that longer stays are associated with better outcomes, though every situation is different.
10. Can he work while living there?
He should. In most good houses, working, studying, volunteering or attending an outpatient program is required. At The Foundry it’s expected within the first couple of weeks, and we help with resumes, applications and interview prep.
11. What does a typical day look like?
Days in a good men’s house have a shape. Up at a reasonable hour, bed made, chore done. Out to work, school or an outpatient program. A meeting, often in the evening, sometimes in the morning too. Dinner, sometimes cooked together. A house meeting once a week where problems get aired before they grow. Back before curfew. It sounds ordinary because it is. Ordinary, repeated, is what rebuilds a life. We describe it in more detail in a week in men’s sober living.
12. What should he bring?
Clothes, including something suitable for job interviews; toiletries without alcohol in them (check mouthwash and aftershave); any prescribed medications in their original bottles; ID; an insurance card if he has one; and a phone. Rooms at our houses are furnished, with linens provided. Leave valuables, large amounts of cash and anything from the old life that doesn’t belong in a sober house at home.
13. Where do families fit in?
Families matter enormously, and a good house will make room for them while protecting the resident’s privacy. Expect a settling-in period before visits, set visiting hours after that, and limits on what staff can share without his consent. Families often benefit from support of their own, such as Al-Anon. Our guide for families answers the common questions.
14. What’s the difference between sober living and a halfway house?
The terms overlap and get used loosely. “Halfway house” sometimes refers to housing tied to the criminal justice system or to a treatment program; “sober living” usually means peer-run or privately run recovery housing. Read halfway house vs. sober living for the details.
15. What if I’m not near South Florida?
Then the best house for you may well be local. Use your state’s NARR affiliate or certification body, ask your treatment team, and apply the same questions and red flags above. That said, men come to South Florida for sober living from all over the country, for the meeting density, the climate and the distance from home. If you’re considering it, our guide to men’s sober living in Florida is a good place to start.
16. How fast can someone move in?
Often within days, depending on availability and his situation. Most of our residents come straight from detox, residential treatment or a PHP or IOP program. Sending an inquiry doesn’t reserve a bed, and availability changes week to week, so call. If he’s finishing treatment, the best time to start looking is a week or two before discharge, so there’s no gap between a structured program and a structured home. Gaps are where things go wrong.
17. What does The Foundry offer?
The Foundry runs two FARR-certified men’s sober living houses in South Florida, both run by men in recovery who are active in the fellowship.
- Foundry: Lakehouse, 871 NE 182nd Terrace, North Miami Beach: a lakeside home with eight bedrooms and five bathrooms, canoes, kayaks, a hammock and a fire pit, close to Aventura and I-95.
- Foundry: Beachhouse, 701 Hollywood Blvd, Hollywood: on the Intracoastal minutes from Hollywood Beach, with a rooftop terrace, pool and billiards room.
Both run the same program: no alcohol or drugs, randomized testing, curfew, 12-step meetings and a sponsor, chores, and work, school or outpatient care. Rooms are furnished, and utilities, linens, laundry and internet are included.
The short version
Decide what “near” needs to mean. Start with certified houses. Ask hard questions and listen for honest answers. Walk the house. Talk to a resident. Walk away from anything that sounds too generous. And if you’re looking in South Florida, call us at (954) 817-7143; we’ll give you a straight answer even if it’s that we’re not the right fit.
The other articles in this series cover what life in a men’s sober house is like, what “luxury sober living” should mean, men’s recovery housing terms and a letter to the man deciding.
If someone is in crisis, call or text 988, or call 911.
